just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Girls should come with a carfax report
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
