I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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