I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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