From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
