so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
