I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
