They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
