I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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