from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
