That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
