he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
