I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
