just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
