drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
