It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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