1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
