what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
