sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
