I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
soo... how was my night?
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