It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
