I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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