I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
