either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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