Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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