I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
