was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
