We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
