i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
