I can't breathe out the right side of my face
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
