Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
