Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
