Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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