I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
PANTIES FOUND
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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