if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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