ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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