I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
