bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
