He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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