We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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