I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
