I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
