i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
