yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
