what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
