i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
