i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
