Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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