The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she told me i tasted like america
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
