I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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