well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Found the puke drawer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
