You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
