btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
