Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
